- Ethan Frome. Everyone loves an action flick, and Ethan Frome just doesn’t fit the bill. A classic story? Yes. A thrilling, what-will-happen-next suspense thriller? Not so much. Add to that the bleakest of bleak New England winters, and it’s probably best to save this one for a cozy fireside read instead of a night at the cineplex.
- Atlas Shrugged. Nothing personal, Ayn—it’s just that no one will sit through a 12-hour movie. Unless there are hobbits involved.
- Plato’s Republic. It may be the foundation of all philosophy ever, but…it’s the foundation of all philosophy ever. Shmoop will be reading this VIP text forever, but it’s definitely not silver screen material.
- As I Lay Dying. James Franco tried it, and it turned into a straight-to-DVD kind of situation. Sure, Faulkner and his modernist friends did plenty of interesting things with narration, but fifteen narrators are probably too much for Hollywood fans to swallow.
- Augustine’s Confessions. Shmoop loves reading other people’s diaries as much as the next guy—just not at the movies.
- “Hills Like White Elephants.” The Breakfast Club pulled off the whole sitting-around-talking shtick, and if anyone has John Hughes’s visionary chops, it’s Ernest Hemingway. But Hemingway’s simple style, which works wonders in writing, isn’t made for the big screen.
- Cyrano de Bergerac. Two words: beauty sells.
- The Prince. When The Silmarillion becomes a hit, that’s when The Prince has a chance. Unless folks suddenly want to see a manual hit theaters, Machiavelli’s going to have to wait his turn.
- Utopia. Now that the world has seen dystopias filled with mystical creatures and crazy plot twists, it’s not likely that crowds will flock to a blow-by-blow description of the ideology behind it all.
- “The Red Wheelbarrow.” This is more of a challenge…because who doesn’t want to see a 16-word poem turned into a summer blockbuster?
This list isn’t foolproof, of course. Shmoop never would have guessed that Heart of Darkness would make it big as Apocalypse Now, but it turns out the bigwigs can change everything about a book except the names and still call it an adaptation. With that in mind, Shmoop’s money is on The Old Man and the Sea.
Shmoop is a digital curriculum and test prep company that makes fun, rigorous learning and teaching resources. Shmoop content is written by experts and teachers, who collaborate to create high-quality and engaging materials for teachers and students. Shmoop Courses, Test Prep, Teaching Guides, and Learning Guides balance a teen-friendly, approachable style with academically rigorous concepts. Shmoop sees 10 million unique visitors a month on its site and offers more than 7,000 titles across the Web, iPhone, Android devices, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and Sony Reader. The company has been honored twice by the Webby Awards, named “Best in Tech” twice by Scholastic Administrator, and awarded with two Annual Education Software Review Awards (EDDIES). Launched in 2008, Shmoop is headquartered in a labradoodle-patrolled office in Mountain View, California.